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Grasshopper
Tukalu (full fix and change soon)

Image


Weapon / Power:

Strengths:


Weaknesses:


Personality:


Character Bio:


Animated Demo:

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Villager
Hey there buddy, you shouldn’t double post, as that is bad

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Soldier
first of all don't double post you can just edit the forum also the weapons, strengths, weaknesses are all lacking information, and the demo needs to be at least 30 seconds

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Villager
fix up some grammar mistakes and stuff

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Grasshopper
i fix the problem

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Farmer
Quote:
Weapon / Power:
he can stink himself that people cant see.
he can thought something that small.
he got his owe sword when somebody give it to him

None of this makes any sense whatsoever. Can you just re-word the entire thing please?

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Grasshopper
ok i fix the word if anything wrong let me know is still not right

edit: is this post is right? i just want to know is right or wrong

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Farmer
Demo isn't long enough and doesn't accurately show off your duelist's abilities. Your demo should to show off how your duelist uses their abilities in a fight.

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Global Mod
@Deshawnthehedeghog yeah there seems to be quite a bit wrong with your Duelist app sadly >_<
I would recommend getting someone to help you proof-read through all of this and make it a bit easier to understand because I had a tiny bit of a hard time reading through this sadly, sorry D;

Give reasons as why stuff is happening! Like you said if he drinks water it makes him stronger right? Why does that happen?

How long can he shrink himself for? Put a time limit and a cool down on it!

These weaknesses that you wrote right here didn't make much sense :( Sorry but can you phrase it a bit better?
"he alway try the best the strongest player."
"he only fastest to save the people. not for a fight"

Lastly, like AmericanTrailMix says your demo felt quite lacking! It met the time but there wasn't enough fighting and demonstrating of your Duelist abilities :( It has to be 30 seconds of fighting and showcasing what your Duelist can do! You had too much dialogue I am afraid.


I recommend overall you should maybe read through this thread right here:
viewtopic.php?f=64&t=6916

Once you think you did a good overhaul of your app then let me or any moderator know again and we will review over this :)

Image

User avatar
Grasshopper
@sareth the reason why is happen about 2 post is there no image in the post. i try to fix the image. that why they said about that


what about the the back story

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